Drafts that didn’t get published!

I’ve always wanted to write stuff. But whenever I gave it a shot, it felt like plagiarism, especially when I tried my hand at fiction. Sometime later, I was fascinated with the idea that I shall (avoid fiction and) write to present my thoughts, the process behind them and the conclusions I reach from them. I looked at it as a prefferred path to express myself (after all, I control the narrative right!) Then came the realization that people around me are not really much into analyzing their own thoughts, let alone somebody else’s. Besides, there’s no good reason for someone to take interest in perspectives or opinions of a nobody like me.

When I look back at it now, it seems to me that in one form or the other, I was looking for some sorts of validation. In fact, I wanted people’s perception of me very much aligned with how I want to myself to be seen. So aligned that I couldn’t allow myself to be “imperfect” by any stretch. The result? My drafts never got published. The tiny bit of auidence that I could’ve had, the collinearity that I could consistently induced to my scattered views, the awareness that I really tried; none of these things ever became real.

Truth be told, I’m not sure if I’ve completely broken free from the shackles. But I’ve decided not remain in the drafts indefinitely.